*The following story concerns the Indianapolis Colts and their fan's outlandish behavior and reaction to their controversial late season loss to the NY Jets. Colt fans strongly objected to Head Coach Jim Caldwell's well reasoned strategy of resting his starters and essentially playing his JV for the second half of what was, in reality, a meaningless loss for the already playoff bound Colts.
An Exclusive Sports-Flash Report:
"Bizarre Colt Fan Ritual Uncovered"
On December 27th, Indianapolis fans lost their dream of a perfect season as the Colts lost to the NY Jets 29-15. The Colts, who had already clinched a home field playoff birth rested many of their starters in the second half and the Jets, who are still desperately clinging to playoff hopes, pulled away for the relatively easy win.
However, The real news uncovered concerned the Colt's fans themselves.
As Colt's Head Coach Jim Caldwell pulled out his starters in the second half of that " now infamous game", the Colts crowd at Lucas Oil Stadium began to act irrationally. A deafening cacophony of boos and wailing filled the stadium. One physician who was in attendance became quite concerned with the behavior of a couple of fans in neighboring seats. "They weren't right. They were shirtless, painted blue, stammering and fat," said Dr. Justin Case of the North South Western Institute of Head Injuries." "What's more, they were wearing football helmets that were much too tight."
Dr. Case immediately went in to action, "I checked vitals and pupil response and I found that these two individuals were obviously concussed. I immediately called for EMS. To my surprise, as I quickly glanced around the stadium there were literally hundreds of people in the same condition. With the help of EMS and numerous heroic volunteers, we just went section to section trying to help people....we ended up setting up an emergency triage area in the stadium basement." Eventually, Dr. Case and Stadium officials confirmed that 342 Colts fans had roughly the same bizarre symptoms. Dr. Case zeroed in on the "too tight" helmets as being the ultimate cause of the trouble.
Upon further investigation, it was found that all the injured fans actually belonged to a fringe/cult Colt's fan club called "The Stable of Peyton." Further, it was discovered that the week before the big game, one of their members had ordered cheap Colts replica football helmets for all of its members. But unfortunately, the helmets had been delivered in plain white and without the Colts trade mark blue insignia horseshoe prints. "Stable Club" Vice President, "J.J. Sabonis," hesitantly admitted to having this, in retrospect, very questionable idea: "I thought we could, as kind of a pregame-type ritual, stamp the helmets ourselves in a kind of ceremony outside the stadium." Further, to accomplish the helmet stamping, "Sabonis," actually hired a donkey and got a bucket of blue paint. "I wanted to rent a real horse or maybe even a pony, but they were all out."
By all accounts, before that "now mythic" game, these fanatical 342 actually lined up in the parking lot at Lucas Oil Stadium, put on their new helmets and got them stamped, one by one, as the rent a' donkey kicked them square in the head with paint dipped shoes. "Stable Club" President, "Namath Witheld," pensively added: "It really seemed like a good idea at the time, and anyway, how else were we supposed to get the horseshoe footprints on the helmets?"
Thankfully, by early the next morning, all of the 342 seemed to have recovered and were released. Dr. Case expressed optimism: " I doubt that there will be any long term negative effects, however we never really had an actual baseline of brain function to measure against....and remember they are Colt fans."
*Just kidding Colts Fans, "Good Luck in The Playoffs"
Real Story About "Colts Fans Angry Reaction To Losing Their Perfect Season To The Jets: